domenica 13 settembre 2009

Una bizzarra processione urbana

Nell'Urbe il sabato pomerggio si svolge una singolare processione, non menzionata da alcuna guida turistica o calendario cattolico; non ne parlano nemmeno i testimoni di Geova.
Si tratta di una processione pagana che ha come obiettivo finale il raggiungimento del Campidoglio; al Campidoglio, infatti, il sabato pomeriggio si celebrano i matrimoni di civili di tutta l'Urbe e anche dei dintorni, vi lascio immaginare.
Ora, il Campidoglio si trova nel cuore dell'Urbe, anzi no, geograficamente parlando forse è più l'ombelico che non il cuore ma vabbè ci siamo capiti.
Il comune di Roma, onde agevolare la partecipazione ai riti civili che si svolgono all'ombra della statua equestre di Marco Aurelio, lascia attivi i varchi della ZTL (Zona a Traffico Limitato) ovvero: nel centro città non ci entri.
Punto.
Ergo, lasci la macchina al parcheggio più vicino e poi te la fai a piedi.
Nel mio caso, dalla direzione in cui arrivavo, sono circa 400 metri.
In salita
Sui sanpietrini
Con i tacchi
Forza e coraggio, un bel respiro e si inizia a camminare e immprovvisamente vedo che non sono sola ma intorno a me tanta gente scende dalle macchine, invitati pure loro a chissà quale altro matrimonio che ne fanno 5000 l'ora; bestemmiano e camminano e tutti quanti andiamo all'ombelico dell'Urbe, tutti vestiti a festa, completamente fuori contesto mentre i turisti tolgono la mano dalla bocca della verità e ti fotografano, perchè è buffo vedere tutta stà gente in tight, in frac, in tailler, in tubini o in vaporosi abuti sbuffanti caracollare verso il Campidoglio; offriamo devo dire uno spettacolo veramente singolare vuoi mettere, e flash flash flash, manco fossimo sul tappeto rosso di qualche premier ecchecavolo, fotografate palazzo Barberini no, guardate quant'è è bello e invece no sparaflashano a noi, forse convinti che si tratti della scena di un film o roba del genere o una performance teatrale dal vivo in cui gli attori arrancano sudati ma guarda come sono bravi, sembra sudore vero.
E arranchiamo sulla salitona, ci guardiamo tra di noi, sorridiamo, siamo tutti nella stessa barca di piedi gonfi; arranca, caracolla, infarta, defibrilla, rifatti il trucco, detergi il sudore, bestemmia e ricomincia a salire. Qualcuno stramazza per strada, qualcun altro si ritira silenziosamente, i più tenaci vanno avanti, all'ombelico o morte.
Finlmente svoltiamo il curvone, ecco il Campidoglio, qualcuno si lascia sfuggire un singhiozzo di sconforto, evidentemente c'è chi non sa o non ricorda che una volta arrivati all'ombelico c'è ancora da salire, un fracco enorme di scale, non so quante.
Evvai
Arranca, caracolla, infarta, defibrilla, rifatti il trucco, detergi il sudore, bestemmia e ricomincia a salire.
Qualcuno chiama gli sposi: scusa sai ma credo di non farcela ad arrivare per la cerimonia, magari ci vediamo fuori. E poi muore lì sulle scale
Infine, giungiamo, senza fiato per esultare; eccoci qui nella piazza dell'ombelico, nell'aperta e luminosa piazza dell'ombelico. Ed è propio in quel momento che inizia a piovere
Poive che Dio la manda.
Forse è incazzato con noi pagani che non ci sposiamo in chiesa così come lui ha comandato, chissà

54 commenti:

La Strega ha detto...

ma dunque anche gli sposi? davanti al corteo?? bellissimo!
Potresti fare come facevo quando andavo a ballare: parti con le scarpe da ginnastica e quando arrivi davanti all'equino te le cambi!

Alessandro Arcuri ha detto...

Giusto un dettaglio... tu eri nel corteo degli invitati o eri più, ehm... protagonista, in tutto ciò?

Pape Satan Aleppe ha detto...

Ma che ficata! Adoro le salite (magari senza tacchi ...)

Punzy ha detto...

...Ale...mi hai scoperta...

Alessandro Arcuri ha detto...

Ah si? Vediamo le foto! (Nella fattispecie voglio vedere Bridget e Brionne testimoni!)

Punzy ha detto...

non hanno fatto i testimoni ma i pagetti. Brionne però ha mangiato gli anelli prima del si, e Bridget ha ucciso il tizio che celebrava, per cui alla fine nn se n'è fatto più niente...

ladyoscar ha detto...

Punzy mi hai riportato alla mente un orrido ricordo che avevo cancellato! ahahahaha. E' crudeltà mentale andare in campidoglio a sposarsi!

il Russo ha detto...

Peccatori che partecipate a matrimoni al di fuori di santa romana chiesa: soffrite, espiate e crepate.
Tanto poi col cazzo che finite in paradiso, eh eh eh....

silvio di giorgio ha detto...

ecco perchè poi hai detto quelle cose assurde agli sposi...la stanchezza!!! (so che non è per la stanchezza ma cerco di salvarti...)

Punzy ha detto...

ah gia! vero!! la stanchezza!!!
sicuro
per quello

SCHIAVI O LIBERI? ha detto...

Ma dopo tutto ciò, dovete fare anche il regalo agli sposi?

the muffin woman pat ha detto...

ma spe.
punzy e perfido, promessi sposi???

Punzy ha detto...

pat: al momento no
che io mi ricordi, almeno :)

schiavi: si.
consistente, anche

il saggio ha detto...

mi hanno bruciato la mia solita freddura.
per penitenza mi vesto elegante e faccio dal teatro marcello al campidoglio a piedi.

eppifemili ha detto...

come ti capisco.

tacco + sampietrino = accoppiata infernale.

Pino Amoruso ha detto...

Ottimo consiglio quello dato da "la strega".
C'è da divertirsi in questi cortei; non biasimo i fotografi turisti.

il monticiano ha detto...

Certo che tre "S" scale, sole, sudore è un po' troppo. Ho provato ad evitarle il 30 luglio di parecchi anni fa ma chi si sposava era mio figlio. In compenso sono calato di un paio di chili.

unanessunavarie ha detto...

ciao le tue cronache sono molto divertenti,ti sto leggendo a ritroso.

una conterranea

Punzy ha detto...

Allora benvenuta unenessunavarie!

the muffin woman pat ha detto...

ah come al solito non avevo capito un cazzo:)

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